Icarus Flyby and The Rock from Mars

“The meteorite, called ALH84001, was found in 1984 in Allan Hills ice field, Antarctica, by the annual expedition of the National Science Foundation’s Antarctic Meteorite Program. It was preserved for study in JSC’s Meteorite Processing Laboratory and its possible Martian origin was not recognized until 1993” – NASA

Imagine the time it took, the thousands of man-years that went into finding that rock in the middle of Antarctica and getting it back to a laboratory able to distinguish said rock from one from your very own garden. Consider the decades of research; the different streams of investigation; the professional journals; consider the debates.

“A tremendous impact drove fragments from Mars into space”, he cried as he drove his fist into the nose of his lesser.

“The orbit of the earth intersected a cloud of debris which fell to earth and buried themselves in the ice!” she screamed as she buried her knee in his manhood.

Consider the odds that a naked ape would even look for a rock in an ocean of ice in the first place. Nevertheless, eons after falling to earth, a naked ape finds said rock and starting from first principles; figures out where it came and then vows to return it and swear out a complaint.

Do you think that that’s crazy?

In 1650 after studying ancient Egyptian and Hebrew texts the archbishop of Armagh, James Ussher, began counting all the “begats” in the Old Testament and then calculated the date that god created the world and everything in it.

The world, he concluded, was created 4004 years before the birth of Christ on October 23, around 4:30 pm. All that history and dinosaur bones came with the history department at Ikea. In fact:

The world was created last Thursday

Icarus Flyby da Royal Tuna da Fish

In Greek mythology, King Minos asked the god Poseidon to send him a white bull as a sign of favor. King Minos was then to sacrifice the bull to honor Poseidon but decided to keep it instead. To punish Minos, Poseidon made Pasiphaë, the king’s wife, fall in love with the bull.

Pasiphaë had the craftsman Daedalus fashion a hollow wooden cow, which she climbed into in order to mate with the bull. The Minotaur was the result. Pasiphaë nursed the Minotaur but he grew in size and became ferocious. Daedalus then devised a maze so complex that no one could escape it and constructed the Labyrinth to imprison the Minotaur.

Daedalus was my dad. I was his apprentice. You know, did all the work.

Icarus Flyby – Wizard Second Class

The Minotaur had no natural source of nourishment and thus devoured humans for sustenance. King Minos required that seven Athenian youths and seven maidens, drawn by lots, be sent into the Labyrinth to be devoured by the Minotaur. When my lot was drawn, Plan A was to get out of town.

Plan B was for King Theseus the founder of Athens to slay the Minotaur.

Icarus and Daedalus attempt to escape from Crete by means of wings that Daedalus constructs from feathers and wax. Daedalus warns Icarus first of complacency and then of hubris, instructing him to fly neither too low nor too high, lest the sea’s dampness clogs his wings or the sun’s heat melts them. Icarus ignores Daedalus’s instructions not to fly too close to the sun. The wax in Icarus’s wings melts. He tumbles out of the sky, falls into the sea, and drowns. Thus sparking the idiom, “don’t fly too close to the sun“. – Wikipedia

Bullshit! I followed his instructions exactly. Duh, that’s what you do when you are apprenticed to a Wizard: you do exactly what you’re told to do. Notice who took off first? That’s the job! Fucking thing didn’t work, just more wizard bullshit. I woke up on the shore of a foreign land, didn’t speak the language, didn’t know where to get a pack of smokes, or where the best sushi was. Not that I had any money. All I had was one question.

Where am I?

Note from Dad

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